Sunday, April 2, 2017

Daddy' Presence

Watching the movie "Mr. Church" I have discovered a little more about who you were. Like him you had a turbulent childhood that you rarely spoke of. In fact the only memories you shared were about big Mamma and Aunt Anna. Everything else was packed away. Your childhood haunted you throughout your adulthood. I saw your battle throughout your marriage to my mom and was not able to understand. Rightfully so because I was a child. The scars left me ultimately impacted our relationship as well as my perspective of you for many years. That changed when my mom and Mr. H. got involved. He demanded me to look at you from a different perspective. For that I will forever be grateful. Similar to Mr. Church in the movie you transformed your hurt and pain into steps for you to be a better man. This was evident in how involved you were in the community. Yet, those old wounds still remained an albatross that followed you like a shadow.

Things began to change for you and I when I moved back home. Without either one of us realizing it we were in the process of a transformation. You were able to finally begin to break the chains that were many years old and I was able to see you through a clear lens of appreciation. Our foundation was being rebuilt through a mutual agreement sealed in silence. Though the lost years  could never be regained we were okay with starting over not knowing that those years prior would have no consequences on the future. Through your silence you taught me and your grandchildren many lessons. With your embellished stories were always underlined with little snippets of you that we hold dear to our hearts. These little gems are actually the road map for me to get to know who you were. It is funny how your presences shows up and further lets me know that you have always loved me. Deep down inside you were still that lost little boy from Portsmouth still trying to find your way. As I told you a few years before your death, time heals all wounds. Daddy you are no longer lost and damaged. You overcame all that hurt and pain and have bridged the gap between you and I. During the process of us rebuilding our father daughter relationship, you were the father figure for your grandchildren when they needed one the most. Though you were not in a position  to be there for me as a little girl, God placed someone to temporarily take your place. Though Mr. H. was what was needed, he never nor could he ever take your place. You will forever be my daddy! Thank you for making your presences known when I am missing you.

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